Marriage Rescue

April 29, 2010

I have a colleague who approaches his family law practice like a ministry. He ensures that his clients’ spiritual needs are being cared for as well as their legal needs. I usually refer spiritual matters to my clients’ respective churches, but that doesn’t mean I don’t inquire into the need for a divorce. Sometimes, people come to see me when they wonder what the grass is like on the other side. Sometimes, they wonder if they are going to be shocked with divorce papers. In those cases, my job is to provide a little legal information and a referral to a marriage therapist, if it seems like a good idea. I wonder if maybe sometimes we could avoid the whole drama by living in the moment a little more. This article in Slate.com suggests that we should maybe spend a little more time in our marriage, rather than with our therapist.

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MySpace, Facebook and Divorce 

Social Networking and Child Custody

When parents divorce, they often have to find new ways to communicate with each other about their children.  Sometimes it’s a good idea to pass a notebook along with the children when they go for parenting time.  Sometimes it’s a good idea to set up an account at   ourfamilywizard   to keep track of important dates on a shared schedule. 

 MySpace and Facebook

One thing that is NOT a good idea, however, is to use online social networking services, such as Facebook or MySpace     as a soap box to talk about your former spouse in a negative way. 

 Social networking sites allow you to share content with family, friends, colleagues, strangers, anyone with access to the internet.  There is great potential to help you keep in touch with people, but it also has great potential to help you alienate people and look like the worst possible parent. 

 I urge you to resist the temptation to find out where your former spouse is posting online, and even more, I urge you to resist the temptation to respond to anything he or she posts.  Do not start a passive aggressive flame war by posting on YOUR site in reaction to something posted on his or her site.  There is no good that can come of this. 

 Take the High Road during your Divorce or Child Custody Case

If you need to vent, do so over the telephone or a cup of coffee to a friend or trusted family member.  Do not post it publicly and permanently on a website where people will see and judge you for it.  People do not know your whole history, and posting a one-word essay on the unfitness of your former spouse is not likely to make anyone agree with you – they are more likely to turn against you.

 Social networking gives you the opportunity to practice taking the high road, and to make choices that are concerned with the best interest of your children.  That includes refraining from fighting or vilifying the other parent in a way that will only vilify yourself.

BIG CLIENTS AND BIG ATTORNEYS

IN A FAMILY LAW OFFICE

As the office manager in a family law office, I have the opportunity to read about, reflect upon, and learn from our daily interactions with clients – and attorneys! – going through an emotional and stressful time.  Good thing I like a challenge!  Thinking things over, “Bigness” has been on my mind this week.

 And, before I forget; I’ve noticed there are a lot of people interested in the child support calculator and child support payment calculator.  Here’s a link you can use in Minnesota Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator

 Anyway, on to “Bigness.”

 The Big World

As I type this I’m listening to the “BBC World News” http://news.bbc.co.uk/ which is full of news about British doomsday planning for nuclear war in the 1980’s (which always ended in launching every nuclear armed missile possible), the disputed election in Iran (numerous persons killed), a subway train crash in Washington, D. C. (nine dead so far) and the bankruptcy of a local auto dealer here in Minneapolis, Minnesota (tax liens against his properties).  It gives one pause, and some perspective, while going about one’s daily routines.

 OK, here we go.  I work in a small firm and I’m not an attorney so naturally I’ve a specific point of view about “Bigness.”  My thanks to the American Bar Association magazine, “GPSolo” www.abanet.org/genpractice  for inspiration and thoughtful information.  These opinions of mine here are just that – my opinions.

 Big Ego Divorce Clients

We’ve said this before in this blog, but it bears repeating – you are not the only person involved in a divorce or other family law matter.  There’s the kids; the other party; and the law and the processes of the law.  Minnesota, where I’m located, is not the best place to go for the jugular in a divorce action  — we’re kind of common-sensical here, don’t ya know.  Juries don’t normally award big claims in accident cases; and judges, in our experience, usually are truly focused on justice and equity for all involved – especially for the children, whether it be specifically child custody or child support case or not.

 Big Ego Divorce Attorneys

Attorneys in our firm often return from court with the most interesting stories!  These sometimes involve lawyers for the opposing party who think bluster and arrogance substitute for preparation, careful litigation, a knowledge of the law, and skill.  They don’t; though they can needlessly run up the bill for their own clients and for the opposing party in a divorce.

 Big Attorney’s Offices

Yes, law firms have been known to dress for success!  As the guy who writes the checks around here, my advice is that what you want to look for is a location that reflects competence, success, and sympathy for your legal matter.  I have been to law offices located in rundown houses that were slums, really; and to those in a downtown high rise with subtle designer interiors and designer furnishings.  My take on this?  Avoid the slum for all the obvious reasons.  The downtown high rise lawyer might be just the ticket for you – but you are ultimately the one paying the rent and it’ll be reflected in your bill.

 Big Law Firms

If you are preparing for a divorce, child custody, alimony, or child support legal action, a big firm might be just the thing for you – I’d like to think my family law firm can handle *anything* but we all have our limits.  Do you have a really complex family law case – crossing numerous states, involving numerous family businesses, numerous residences and nearly non-existent record keeping?  A large firm might be best for you.

 Big Fees for Divorce Lawyers

This is related to the big law firm and the big attorney’s office threads.  Let me be blunt.  Your divorce attorney can’t advocate for you if you don’t pay the bill.  Additionally, would you rather they spend their time hassling with you over what you have contracted to pay them; or spend their time productively working on your case?  We don’t do checkbook justice, but you do get what you pay for.  This can be tricky.  I’d say, as the guy who sends out the bills here, look first for an attorney you can trust, who has the skills you need, and who is interested in your case.  Then, make sure you can pay them – remembering that a retainer is usually only a down payment.  If you can’t afford this particular attorney, don’t hire them.  Find another.  In any case, pay your bill; you’ll get a better professional relationship and a better result in your case.

 Thomas Moore

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

Plymouth, Minnesota

Thomas.Moore@MooreFamilyLawMN.com

 

Meeting Your Attorney 

The Initial Consultation

When you are dealing with any legal matter, — divorce, child custody, estate planning, or something else; you will of course have to meet your lawyer.  While every attorney handles this meeting in his or her own way, here is one take on how that meeting would proceed.  

First, you’ll have to find their office!  Be sure to ask, or to map it, or to get directions on the phone.  You do not want to be late to this meeting or arrive flustered by a frustrating chase around unfamiliar streets looking for an office.  Some attorneys do make house calls or visit you at some spot convenient for you, but most prefer to meet you in their office.  That this is “their turf” and not yours may be part of their approach, in order to ensure that you are capable of making some commitment to what can be an exhausting, long-term, and expensive relationship – hopefully resulting in you prevailing in your lawsuit, obtaining your divorce, drawing up and instituting your estate plan.  Your prospective attorney may want to see if you’re up to at least some inconvenience and effort on your own part. 

First Impressions Matter to You – And to Your Lawyer

OK, you’re in their office.  Pay attention.  Are you greeted immediately and courteously?  Are you expected?  Is this place like the offices on “Boston Legal” or “L.A. Law?”  Probably not!  So, being realistic, you’ll want to assess this first impression when you decide to employ this attorney – or not. 

The first person you meet may be your attorney, a paralegal, or an office staffer.  You may be handed a form to fill out, offered coffee, tea, or bottled water.  You may be asked if you have brought any paperwork relating to your matter.  Eventually – hopefully soon! – You will be invited into your prospective attorney’s office.  

Bear in mind that the law is not just about statute, litigation, and precedent.  It is also a very psychological matter – so you’d be advised to be aware not only of your intellectual, mental interaction with this person; but also of how you feel about him or her.  Do you have a battle ahead over, say, child support?  If so, do you want a lawyer who is a compromiser / nice guy; a battleaxe / bulldog; or something unique you can’t quite put your finger on yet?    

How Your Family Law Attorney Might Proceed

She would ask what brought you to her, giving you a chance to expand upon your motivation; and asking more directed questions to bring out what might be important to your cause.  It’s a back and forth question and answer format.  The law can be abstruse and non-common-sensical at times, so by all means ask questions back.  The point is to build some trust between you now, if possible. 

She will talk about the attorney – client relationship and confidentiality. 

She will outline what she sees your case to be and give some generic raw legal advice.  You cannot expect her to lay out her entire role for you here – especially since the initial client interview is often free to you.  This is an interview in both directions, actually:  you are trying to see if she is the attorney for you; and so is she. 

She will talk about the legal process you face.  In some jurisdictions and for some types of law this can be very standardized; in others, not. 

She will talk about two basic strategies in almost any case:  settlement (no trial) or trial.  Neither one is perfect and both typically involve both some work and some compromise.  

The attorney will explain the business of the law.  You have to pay the fee to get the advocacy you need.  

Finally, the lawyer and you will end the interview.  He or she will let you know what follow up you can expect – usually a letter or email. 

Is This the Lawyer for You?

That’s it!  Now, it’s time for you to make a choice – this attorney?  Another?  Drop the whole plan?  Good luck! 

Thomas Moore

Office Manager

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

Plymouth, Minnesota

Thomas.Moore@MooreFamilyLawMN.com

JON AND KATE DIVORCE?

June 16, 2009

JON AND KATE DIVORCE? 

There’s been a lot of news about Jon and Kate Gosselin, the parents of sextuplets and twins who have documented their life on TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus Eight (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/jon-and-kate/jon-and-kate.html).  It’s juicy gossip.  Jon is accused of infidelity.  Kate is accused of having a volatile temper.  It appears they are headed for divorce.    Lime Life reports they spent their 10th Anniversary apart.  http://www.limelife.com/blog-entry/Jon-and-Kate-Gosselins-10-Year-Anniversary-Apart/6438.html.  The National Register claims that Jon wants to quit the show. http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272626504.shtml

 Would Jon Get Child Custody? 

It’s all great gossip.  What makes the potential for divorce particularly enticing for the gossip mill is that there is a good chance that Jon, a stay-at-home father, would assume primary custody of the children.  Kate has been spending a lot of time away from home on business related to her books and publicity for the show, while Jon has stayed home to care for the children.  Kate is also rumored to be a less than ideal parent–although I have a hard time judging anyone’s parenting skills, much less a mother of eight young children.  

What About Jon and Kate’s Marital Property?

In all likelihood, Jon’s infidelity is less important to a court than Kate’s parenting skills.  But, how do you value the Gosselin estate?   How do you split it up? 

As we obtain more information, I will attempt to interpret it here.  

Jennifer Moore
www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

Plymouth,  MN
jennifer.moore@moorefamilylawMN.com

Minnesota Budget Cuts Will Impact Courts and Consumers

 Budget Cuts for Minnesota Courts

The news from the Governor’s Desk is quite mixed for the judicial system.  The budget signed into law from Governor Pawlenty did contain some minor budget cuts for the Minnesota Courts.  The Courts were already operating on a very slim budget, so the cuts will affect services.   To minimize the impact on consumers of judicial services, the Courts intend to implement some fairly significant increases in filing fees.  

 

No Sales Tax on Legal Services

Also on the legislative radar this year was the imposition of a sales tax on legal services.  It did not pass.  Such a tax would have presented a great hardship to individuals seeking legal representation.  Not only would the tax have increased every legal bill in Minnesota by the sales tax percentage, but it would have increased overhead for attorneys who are unaccustomed to sales tax reporting and collections.  Overhead is the primary determinant of the price of legal services.  

 

Minnesota Court Funding

Full coverage of the court funding issues in Minnesota is at http://www.1000supporters.org/

Jennifer Moore
Moore Family Law, P.A.
Plymouth, MN
jennifer.moore@moorefamilylawMN.com